I have totally had the same question. It's like, you don't want to have to spew this horrible informaiton on someone who you are just trying to get to know, because it's just such a serious subject. In reality though, I am so open about it, that I couldn't care less about talking about it. I just hate to bring up something so serious when the relationship isn't even that serious. But it is hard to withhold when it's such a huge part of your life. Like, me for example, I am going into the field of pediatric oncology, and every guy asks why When my Ewing's metastasized when I was 19, I was dating a guy who never even knew I was wearing a wig Wow- being bald sure ups a girls self-esteem!
So, where are you from? How old are you? I'm in CA, and I'm I dont have a problem telling my medical history.
But I have the same problem Sarah has-finding an understanding, loving and caring woman. Sarah,have you found a boy friend yet? Telling or not telling people about your cancer experience has to do largely with the way you personally feel about it. At some point, you will come to terms with being a cancer survivor.
Online Dating Sites for Cancer Patients And Survivors
Are you proud to be a survivor? Are you embarrassed or ashamed? Do you see overcoming cancer as a great milestone, or as a horrible stumbling block? When I first stopped treatment, I was 13, and not very comfortable talking about it. My peers were not very mature of course, and I was afraid that I'd be seen as "weird" or treated differently. My close friends knew, as did a handful of teachers and faculty, but I didn't want anyone else to know. At that age, I felt embarrassed simply because being a cancer survivor made me different from my peers at a time when you're trying to blend in.
When I got older, my perspective began to change. In junior college, I started doing volunteer work for the American Cancer Society, and then my perspective changed dramatically. Not only was I willing to talk about my cancer experience with others, I felt proud to list my name on the survivor's board. No one should ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed that you've had cancer. Your cancer experience is not something you can change, and I believe survivors are strengthened by the experience in many ways. You should be so proud of yourself for getting through it all, and continuing on with your life.
The general public is also more aware of cancer survivors, especially with the popularity of such groups as Lance Armstrong's Livestrong, and the Susan Komen Breast Cancer organization. On the contrary, they're usually amazed and they seem almost proud of me for being a survivor, even if it's someone I just met. When I first told my current boyfriend, he saw it as another one of my strong points. As for the scar on my chest where the Portacath used to be, he sees it as a badge of honor.
He said to me, "You beat cancer! You should be proud of that scar.
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I can only hope others' experiences have been as positive as mine. People should accept you for who you are, and if you are positive about your survivor status, others probably will be too.
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If you're still a bit shy about it, that's okay too. After all, it's part of who you are. Don't stress out about it, and they won't either. Do it in a way that you're comfortable with. If you're both discussing personal stuff, then that's a great time to bring it up. You can even test the waters by asking the person what they think of the Livestrong campaign, or something along those lines.
Just relax and be yourself. The content on this site is for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Do not use this information to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease without consulting with a qualified healthcare provider. Please consult your healthcare provider with any questions or concerns you may have regarding your condition.
Use of this online service is subject to the disclaimer and the terms and conditions. Skip to main content. Login to search all areas Not a member? Click here to search public areas. Forgot username or password? Log in or register to post comments. Hi, I do not know how to begin to approach this subject. I'm 24 year old survivor of. Let share our experience. No I have not found a boyfriend yet.
We're working on it. Only the best for my love: This comment has been removed by the Moderator. Aug 20, - Aug 21, - 9: Aug 22, - 6: Jul 15, - 2: Aug 27, - Neither your address nor the recipient's address will be used for any other purpose. The information you enter will appear in your e-mail message and is not retained by Medical Xpress in any form.
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I am still married to my husband of 32 years and if I didn't have him don't think I would have the courage to start dating again either. I look ok with clothes on but wouldn't fancy going topless. And being intimate with someone new would be scary. But, and its a big but sometimes I know I overthink things and analize them to death and I wonder if that is happening to you with you trying to be too honest.
I am sure there are more than one gent who isent perfect, he may have wrinkles bad habits or even be a cancer sufferer himself. Don't look for the happy ending all the time just enjoy the moment. However, rather than put myself through face-to-face rejection, I wrote him an email setting out my stall. As I expected, he said that he could not cope with it.
I think I am going to take myself off the market. It hurts too much and is dragging me down. I think that if the boot was on the other foot and I was approached by a man with incurable cancer, I too would have to think very hard about how the future would be. My partner died of leukemia in — actually he died from the infection within 36 hours of diagnosis. I obviously wanted him to survive because I loved him, but I also knew that he was a proud and stubborn soul and would push me away. His recovery would have made me his carer and not his lover and that changes everything.
I am the type of person who believes in honesty. It would unfair to start any relationship without telling them about my illness. Also, it would hurt even more if they rejected me after forming a friendship. I am a naturally strong and independent person, and maybe I should accept all the positives in my life and not try chasing after something that would make me even more aware of my disabilities. Dating websites miss out the process of meeting somebody without it being a date; maybe I should just keep joining in with the many activities on offer to me and meet somebody who likes me for my personality before I have to introduce the C word!
I am pleased to read that your husband was there by your side; men are not always natural carers! Are you finished with your treatment, or are you still undergoing chemo or radiotherapy? You talk about your boobs. I was very fortunate in having a female Plastics Surgeon who really listened to me, not just treating me as a patient but as a woman. She did a wonderful job in reconstructing my healthy tit, and once the scars have faded it will be even better.
Have you considered facing more surgery to balance you up? Aside from missing male company, I have a great life in Cambridge with loving and supporting girlfriends, as well as a close family in London who really care for and about me. I am luckier than some. Shame about the proposed "date" but I do admire your honesty and do agree it is better in the long run.
Shame you cannot join some club or something and let people get to know you have cancer before you get to the dating stage. Don't know if there is perhaps a different dating site that would suit you better? Its always good that you can put yourself in the others position and see how you would feel if it was the other way round.
I do have a friend who was married and developed Breast cancer, she was devastated when her husband died and did the same as you and joined an online dating site. She was one of the lucky ones and has found a partner who could see past her problems and saw her as a good companion and they now live together. It can be done and as you say if someone gets to see your personality and get to know you a little before dates then that might be a better idea but you will probably need a break before you try again as it can knock your confidence.
My hubby used to be a nurse when young and then became a Paramedic as he preferred being outside better so he did have some nursing behind him when I found I had cancer but he was like most husbands , didn't really want to accept I was ill so although he looked after me didn't really want to admit I was ill, but then neither did I.
I have finished my treatment for now, was lucky as was diagnosed before I had a lump so no lymph nodes just radiotherapy and have just had my 12 months checkup and been released from hospital. Obviously we are writing on an open line so maybe it might be better to private message so we can keep it a bit more personal. Was lovely to hear from you , keep smiling. Enjoy your friends and keep in touch with family. I too am single and have not looked for a partner as it would be too hard trying to find someone who understands and is kind.
Maybe we should look for someone who has or has had cancer as they might be more understanding. Like you say they are scared and I can understand that. So nice to hear from somebody with exactly my predicament.. Having been rejected twice once after a first date, and the second after a telephone call which I followed up with an email laying out my cancer , I am not very willing to put myself out there again.
I am in my early 60s and I know that the men I have met understand, they just don't want to spend their twlight years as a carer - for which I don't blame them. I have a good male friend who just turned 65 and he has severe back problems which limit his mobility, and he has resigned himself to a lonely old age. Yes it would be ideal if we could team up, but that ain't going to happen! I did sign up to a website that announced itself as being for "Cancer Survivors" but everybody I have checked out says they are healthy - if so, what on earth are they doing on this website or are they lying?
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Others have other disabilities completely unrelated to cancer - deafness, wheelchair bound. And whilst I sympathise, it would be easier to find somebody who understands what cancer is and what it does. Somehow I don't think there is a future for us! Would like to know if you find someone or somewhere.
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I believe that having breast cancer is more difficult for women, because not only do they carry around a cancer but they are also physically affected. One half of my problem is explaining the cancer and, should the situation arise, getting them to accept that I have odd boobs! I am 59 so we are similar ages. I also checked out a dating website for cancer survivors but I didn't get a response from anyone.
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